Ministry is deeply relational. Just about everything you do as a pastor—preaching, leadership, evangelism, and more—hinges on your relationships.
But fear threatens those relationships. Relationships are built on trust. So if you can’t be honest in your ministry relationships because you’re afraid, you can’t thrive in ministry.
As a pastor, you face a tremendous amount of pressure to hide important parts of who you are. Many times, your congregants don’t want you to be honest. They want to put a halo on you and pretend you’re never tempted. They want to think, “Of course my pastor doesn’t fall to temptation—he doesn’t face what I do!”
But you and I know that’s not true. Still, we’re afraid to let those we lead see who we really are. You can’t overestimate the damage that kind of dishonesty does to your ministry relationships.
Three specific fears—all borne from our desire to hide who we really are—are particularly problematic for leaders.
Fear of Your Faults: The Trap of Defensiveness
We don’t like to admit weaknesses and mistakes. As pastors, we know some people won’t understand, so we hide our failures. Sometimes we even blame other people.
That’s what Adam was doing when he said to God, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it” (Genesis 3:12 NLT).
Adam accused and excused—two very common reactions when we’re confronted with our weaknesses. We accuse someone else and excuse ourselves. We become defensive.
Defensiveness creates walls instead of bridges in ministry. It will undermine your trust with your congregation, your staff, and even your family. When pastors can’t own their faults, it sends everyone the signal that image matters more than integrity.
Don’t be that pastor. Confess your failures. Be open about your weaknesses. Honesty makes you a more credible leader.
Fear of Your Feelings: The Isolation of Emotional Distance
Our inclination as pastors is to hide our emotions. You may believe that leaders shouldn’t show emotion—particularly hurt, anger, or disappointment. So you just stuff those emotions deep inside. Sharing our emotions, we believe, is a liability we can’t afford.
That instinct goes all the way back to the first pages of the Bible. When Adam and Eve sinned and God confronted them, Adam’s first response was to hide: “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked” (Genesis 3:10 NLT). Fear led the first couple to withdraw, just as we’re tempted to do.
But when we hide and suppress those emotions, we don’t eliminate them. They don’t disappear. They deepen. That hurt festers into resentment, and resentment hardens into bitterness. Unresolved disappointment erodes our joy and isolates us from the people we are called to lead.
In more than 50 years of ministry, I’ve learned this: Vulnerability isn’t a liability—it’s a strength. Let me share an example of how openness can enhance ministry instead of hindering it.
In Saddleback’s early days, we struggled to secure land for a permanent home in Southern California’s expensive market. One time, after 18 months and $100,000 of investments from our congregation—many making significant sacrifices in order to give—the deal fell through. We lost all the money and time.
I felt deeply discouraged. I felt like a failure. I could have hidden those feelings, but instead, I shared them with the congregation.
“I don’t know what happened,” I told them. “We did our best. I’m discouraged. We stepped out in faith. We believed we were following God, and I don’t know why this happened.”
That moment of raw honesty rallied the church. They saw the setback as a shared challenge—and it prepared them for what was ahead. It became a turning point in Saddleback’s history.
Fear of Losing Control: The Demands of Power
When we experience insecurity in our ministry relationships, we make demands. We try to micromanage our team and our congregation. Insecurity demands that we stay in control.
Again, there’s nothing new about the impact this fear has on human relationships. God tells Eve in Genesis 3:16: “You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16 NLT). That kind of control—from both men and women—destroys marriage relationships.
In the work of a pastor, it leads to a domineering leadership style that stifles creativity and trust within your team. The result is that your ministry becomes about serving you, not God.
Be Honest
Honesty is the only way you can overcome these fears. First, you must be honest with yourself. You can’t open up to anyone else about these fears if you aren’t honest about them to yourself.
Then, come clean with God. He knows your failures already. They don’t surprise him. But he wants you to take them to him.
Finally, be honest with others. Resist the urge to project perfection. That doesn’t mean you tell every person in your life every failure that you’re struggling to come to terms with. But it does mean that you don’t consciously try to hide your faults, emotions, and insecurities. Don’t let hiding become the overriding focus of your ministry.
That decision to be honest with yourself, with God, and with others will be one of the most important ministry decisions you ever make.
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