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The Pastor’s Guide to Difficult Personalities

By Rick Warren

Ministry would be easy if it weren’t for the people!

But as every pastor knows, one of the greatest challenges in ministry is dealing with difficult people. They come in all shapes and sizes, but they have one thing in common: They drain your energy, distract your focus, and derail your momentum.

Jesus had to deal with difficult people throughout his ministry. And if you’re going to follow his example, you need to learn how to deal with them too.

Here are four practical strategies Jesus modeled for handling difficult people.

1. Realize You Can’t Please Everyone
"By myself I can do nothing. . . . I seek not to please myself but him who sent me" (John 5:30 NIV).

Even God doesn’t please everyone. One person prays for rain, another for sunshine. You’re not God—and you’re not called to be a people-pleaser. Your job is to please the Lord.

If you let other people’s demands drive your decisions, you’ll burn out fast. Instead, stay focused on God’s calling for your life and ministry.

2. Refuse to Play Their Game
"But Jesus knew their evil motives. 'You hypocrites!' he said. 'Why are you trying to trap me?'" (Matthew 22:18 NLT).

Difficult people often try to manipulate you with guilt, fear, or anger. But Jesus never fell for their traps. He responded with wisdom, truth, and clarity.

You don’t have to meet every expectation. You can say no. And when correction is needed, speak the truth in love. Some people aren’t interested in solutions—they just want to argue. Don’t get caught in their game.

3. Don’t Retaliate
"You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury. . . . But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also" (Matthew 5:38-39 NLT).

Retaliation gives up control. When you strike back, you’re no longer responding—you’re reacting. And that means you’re letting someone else set the tone for your life.

Instead, take the high road. Respond with humility, patience, and grace. That doesn’t mean you never set boundaries—it means you do it with the right spirit.

4. Pray for Them
"But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" (Matthew 5:44 NLT).

Prayer is the game-changer. You can’t change a troublemaker by ignoring them, retaliating, or giving in. But when you team up love and prayer, you create space for God to work a miracle. That’s what Jesus did—and it’s what he calls you to do too.

Difficult People Come in Many Forms

You’ve likely encountered these personalities in your church:

  • The Sherman Tank – Runs over anyone who disagrees

  • The Megaphone – Dominates every conversation

  • The Bubble Buster – Deflates every new idea

  • The Volcano – Explodes with anger

  • The Crybaby – Constantly complains and pouts

  • The Nitpicker – Obsesses over minor flaws

  • The Space Cadet – Lives in a different reality

You may not be able to avoid these personalities, but you can learn to respond with wisdom, grace, and strength.

Make this your goal: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18 NIV).

You won’t always get it right. But as you grow in these Christ-like responses, you’ll free up energy for what really matters: shepherding the flock God has entrusted to you.

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