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Every Pastor Needs a Mentor
Every pastor needs a mentor. No matter what stage you are in your ministry, you need someone to coach you.
All sorts of organizations use the mentoring process to make people better at what they do. In medicine, doctors mentor younger doctors. In music, musicians mentor other musicians. Why? It works. We learn best when we have people who can speak into our lives and ministry. Proverbs 19:20 says, “Get all the advice you can and be wise the rest of your life.”
I will always need a coach—no matter how old I get or how successful I become. Lebron James is one of the best basketball players on the planet. He still needs a coach. You will never get to a point in your life when you can say, “I’ve learned it all. I don’t need anybody else to help me.”
A mentor brings out the best in you in three areas: your roles, your goals, and your soul. Mentors give us perspective. They help us look at ourselves and our ministry from the outside. We don’t always see what we’re doing outside of our own perspective. We see from our own limited focus. We need somebody else in our life to say, “Have you thought about…? What about this? What about that?”
Saddleback would not be where it is today without men who’ve poured their lives into me—people who’ve made me look at my ministry in a different light. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel but with many advisors they succeed.” What God has done through Saddleback over the past 30 years hasn’t happened because I’m smart. It’s because I’ve had great mentors and advisors. They are people I’ve bounced ideas off of and gotten feedback from.
What do you look for in a mentor? Let me suggest three qualities.
1. Someone who has the character and values you admire.
You want to find a mentor who is the kind of person you want to be.2. Someone with the skills and experience you want.
Look for another pastor who has the particular ministry skills you want to improve upon. Maybe it’s preaching. Maybe it’s leadership. Maybe it’s a pastor who has successfully navigated through a building campaign. Find someone who is good at something you want to be good at.3. Someone you trust.
If you don’t trust your mentor, you’re not going to learn anything from him. Just because a mentor has a lot of knowledge doesn’t mean you’ll click with him. To make a good mentoring experience, in time you’ll need to be able to open up to the person you choose. Ask good questions. Once you pick the right mentor, you’ll need to make the most of the time you have with that person. Neither you nor your mentor have unlimited time. What can you do to maximize your time with your mentor? Ask questions. Before you meet with your mentor, spend some time thinking about questions you want to ask. Think about what issues you’re dealing with in your ministry. Think about what areas of your mentor’s ministry you’d like to learn from. Be specific. One of my mentors was a guy named Billy, who had a mentor himself. Billy went to a large church in Texas and put himself under the pastor. At the end of six months, Billy went to him and said, “I’ve watched your teaching for six months and I’ve never heard you preach a dud. God speaks through everything you teach. Every time you teach there’s power, practical information, and good insight. I would like to know how you stay fresh. What’s your secret?” The man told Billy, “About 35 to 40 years ago, I made a commitment to stay fresh, so I could feed other people. To do that, I read through the New Testament once a week.” Billy sat there dumbfounded, trying to think up an intelligent follow-up question to ask. “What translation do you read it in?” Billy asked. The Texas pastor said, “Usually in the original Greek.” Billy later told me that he could have been with the guy for five or six years and never found out the secret to his freshness and spiritual depth if he hadn’t asked the question. Anyone—at any time—can be a mentor if you learn to ask questions. Everyone has a reservoir of knowledge, skills, and experience they can share. A wise person will learn to draw them out. If I were to sit down with you, I’d learn some things that would make me a better pastor. I’m sure of it. You’ve had experiences that I haven’t had – and vice versa. Be prepared with standard questions to ask every time you get around someone you might learn from. Questions like...- How do you handle stress?
- What have been the greatest successes in your life?
- What were the causes of those successes?
- What were the greatest failures in your life?
- What would you do differently if you were starting over?
- What kind of books do you read?
- How do you manage your time?
- How do you manage your money?
- What have been the greatest lessons you’ve learned?
- What have been the greatest surprises in your life?
Recent Articles
Three Leadership Qualities You Can Practice
Nehemiah’s story in the Bible is good news for anyone who questions whether they have what it takes to be a leader.Nehemiah wasn’t a priest. He wasn’t a prophet. He wasn’t a builder. He was a cupbearer to a pagan king (Nehemiah 1:11). And God used him to rebuild what an entire nation had given up on.In Nehemiah 1:1–4, he gets a report that Jerusalem is still a mess. The people are in “great trouble and disgrace” (Nehemiah 1:3 NIV). The wall is broken down. The gates are burned.Before Nehemiah ever builds anything, you see the kind of man he is. And that’s always where God starts—with the heart before the work.Here are three qualities God looks for in leaders he uses. The best part? You can choose to practice and grow in these qualities.1) Develop sensitivity to what breaks God’s heart.When Nehemiah hears the report about Jerusalem, he doesn’t shrug. He sits down and weeps. He mourns, fasts, and prays (Nehemiah 1:4). Leaders don’t become leaders because they want a platform. They become leaders because they can’t ignore what God has put in front of them.In ministry, it’s easy to get insulated. You can spend your week putting out fires, managing budgets, and planning Sundays, and slowly lose touch with what people are actually carrying.But God often begins his leadership assignments with a burden.Pastor, what situation makes you stop and say, “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be”? That may be the beginning of God’s call.God uses leaders who care about what God cares about.2) Build a reputation for dependability.Nehemiah is trusted by the king. That’s why he’s in the role he’s in. A cupbearer had to be loyal, discreet, and reliable. The king trusts him with his safety and with his confidence.And God often prepares leaders through ordinary faithfulness long before the “big assignment” shows up. God doesn’t hand responsibility to good intentions; he entrusts it to proven faithfulness.Jesus said, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much” (Luke 16:10 NIV).Before God hands you a larger burden, he watches what you do with the burden you already have.Dependability isn’t flashy, but it’s foundational:Do you keep your word?Do you show up when it’s hard?Do you finish what you start?Do people experience you as steady?You don’t need a bigger title to become more trustworthy. You need deeper integrity.3) Make yourself available when God calls.Nehemiah’s assignment was not convenient. Jerusalem was between 800 and 1,000 miles away. The job was dangerous. The politics were complicated. Opposition was real. Yet when the moment came, Nehemiah was willing to go.Here’s a leadership truth we don’t love, but it’s still true: God can do more with willingness than with raw talent.God is not mainly looking for ability. He’s looking for credibility, dependability, and availability.Availability is a choice.It’s the simple, costly prayer: “Here am I. Send me.”And it raises honest questions:Am I available to do something outside my comfort zone?Am I available to serve in a way that won’t earn applause?Am I available even if it disrupts my plans?Pastor, you don’t have to see every step to say yes to God.Nehemiah didn’t start with a construction plan. He started with a burden, a prayer life, and a willing heart.The kind of leader God uses is not the most talented person in the room. It’s the person who is sensitive to real need, dependable in character, and available when God says go.
When Pressure Is High, Let God Speak First
“It was the first year of the reign of Darius the Mede, the son of Ahasuerus, who became king of the Babylonians. During the first year of his reign, I, Daniel, learned from reading the word of the LORD, as revealed to Jeremiah the prophet, that Jerusalem must lie desolate for seventy years.” Daniel 9:1-2 (NLT)Prayer is one of God’s best gifts in a crisis, not because it helps you manage stress, but because it puts you back in front of the only one who can actually carry what’s too heavy for you.Daniel modeled that.When Daniel realized the clock was running out on Israel’s exile, he didn’t just feel hopeful. He also felt the gap: The people weren’t spiritually ready for what God was about to do. That burden drove him to prayer.But notice where Daniel started. He let God speak to him before he spoke to God.Daniel “learned from reading the word of the LORD, as revealed to Jeremiah the prophet” (Daniel 9:2 NLT). Before he prayed, Daniel listened. Scripture steadied him, reminded him what God had already said, and gave him the right frame for what came next.That’s a word pastors need, especially on a Monday.When pressure is high, it’s easy to treat prayer like a quick download: “God, here’s what’s on fire. Please handle it.” But Daniel’s approach is slower and better. God speaks first. God moves first. God leads first. Then we respond.So how do you listen to God when problems and stress seem to be all around?You open the Bible—not to hunt for a verse to share, but to meet with the Lord.Here’s one simple way to do it today:Read a short passage (even a few verses).Sit with it long enough for the noise in your head to settle.Ask, “Lord, what are you saying to me?”Then pray one honest response based on what you just read.Daniel didn’t come to God ready to give a speech. He came ready for a conversation. And he let God set the tone.The more Scripture shapes you, the more your prayers will stop sounding like panic—and start sounding like trust.
The Kind of Leadership That Lasts
You can build a crowd on personality, and you can build momentum on skill. But you can’t build a ministry that lasts on charisma alone.That’s because the foundation of leadership is character, not charisma.Charisma is real. In fact, it’s a gift. Some leaders can walk into a room and settle everybody down. Some can tell a story and you can feel the temperature change.But charisma won’t hold you up when the stress hits—when criticism comes, when you’re tired, and when you’re tempted. In those moments, who you are matters more than what you can do.I’ve watched leaders with real charisma lose their influence because their private life couldn’t support their public life. That’s why charisma can’t be the foundation. If people can’t trust you, they won’t follow you for long.Credibility—the real testA lot of organizations confuse position with leadership. They think a title creates influence. It doesn’t.And the same mistake happens in ministry. A platform can make you visible, but it can’t make you believable. Here’s the difference: Reputation is what people say you are, and character is what you really are.Character is what you are in the dark, when nobody’s looking, when you could cut the corner and no one would ever know.What Scripture says to look for in leadersThe Bible says, “Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith” (Hebrews 13:7 NIV).Notice what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say, “Consider their talent.” And it doesn’t say, “Consider their style.”It says, “Consider the outcome of their way of life.” God builds lasting leadership on a life you can trust.That Hebrews passage gives you three simple things to watch for:A message worth rememberingWhen you speak, are you giving people truth they can build on or just something that sounds good in the moment?A lifestyle worth consideringDo the people closest to you see the same person the crowd sees?A faith worth imitatingAre you depending on God, or are you living off adrenaline and ability?When you have those three things—a message worth remembering, a lifestyle worth considering, and a faith worth imitating—that’s character. And character outlasts charisma every time.How leaders are madePastor, don’t ask, “Do people like me?” Ask, “Is my life worth following up close?”That’s not a question meant to shame you. It’s a question to give direction, because you can’t lead people somewhere you refuse to go yourself.If you feel a gap between your public leadership and your private life, don’t panic. Just get honest.Character isn’t built in a weekend. It’s built one decision at a time—when you tell the truth and it costs you, when you do the right thing and nobody sees it, and when you keep your conscience clean before God.That’s where leaders are made. And that’s the real measure of leadership.
Lead with Mercy When People Are Hurting
Jesus’ ministry was all about mercy. He showed mercy everywhere he went.If you want to know what mercy-shaped leadership looks like, watch how Jesus meets people in three moments pastors face all the time: shame, disappointment, and death. Luke 1:78 says, “A new day will dawn on us from above because our God is loving and merciful” (GW). Because Jesus is merciful, you can’t just talk about mercy. Mercy has to shape the way you shepherd.Watch how Jesus treats the ashamed, how he answers disappointment, and how he speaks hope when death is close. Then go do the same in your ministry.1) When people mess up, protect their dignity and refuse to throw stones.In John 8, a woman is dragged into public shame. The religious leaders are not trying to restore her. They are trying to use her to trap Jesus.I love what Jesus does first. He slows the whole moment down, protects her dignity, and refuses to let her become a spectacle.When they keep on questioning him, he straightens up and says to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7 NIV). One by one, the accusers walk away. After they all are gone, he assures her he doesn’t condemn her and then says, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11 NIV).Pastor, that is where mercy begins. Jesus refuses to shame her, but he does call her to change.That is the kind of mercy people trust.It tells the truth without public humiliation.It makes room for repentance.It offers a next step instead of a permanent label.And if you are honest, you need that mercy too. When you have stumbled, overreacted, or said something you wish you could take back, Jesus is not looking for a chance to shame you. He is ready to restore you.Jesus says, “I have come to save the world and not to judge it” (John 12:47 NLT). If you lead like a judge, people will hide. If you lead like a shepherd who has received mercy, people can finally be honest.2) When disappointment settles in, don’t let it harden you.A lot of anger is really disappointment that has been sitting too long. Pastors know that feeling.In John 5, a man has been lying by a pool for 38 years. That is a long time to live with disappointment. So when Jesus asks, “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6 NIV), the man does not really answer the question. He explains why nothing has changed: Somebody else always gets there first.Let disappointment sit long enough, and blame starts to feel normal. You stop expecting much. The heart gets hard.Jesus does not shame the man for that. He answers him with mercy: “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk” (John 5:8 NIV). Mercy gives him something to do, and the man walks.Pastor, sometimes the impossible is not a dramatic turnaround by Sunday. Sometimes it is the quieter miracle of staying soft when you have been let down, obeying God in the next small step, and refusing to let disappointment train you into cynicism.God’s mercy makes room for hope again.3) When death is close, offer people more than comfort; offer them mercy.Sooner or later, every pastor walks into a room where eternity is no longer theoretical: a hospital room, a graveside, or a conversation where death is suddenly close enough to touch.In Luke 23, two criminals hang beside Jesus. One mocks him. The other admits the truth: “We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong” (Luke 23:41 NIV). Then he says, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom” (Luke 23:42 NIV).And Jesus answers, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43 NIV).That is more than comfort. It is mercy.It reminds you that the people in front of you do not mainly need better religious performance. They need a Savior, and so do you.So, pastor, carry mercy into the rooms waiting for you this week.Carry it into the hard conversation with the person who failed, into the long disappointment that is tempting you toward cynicism, and into the hospital room, the funeral, and the private places where fear gets loud.Mercy cannot simply be something you preach about. It has to shape the way you care for those you lead.Isaiah 30:18 says, “The LORD wants to show his mercy to you. He wants to rise and comfort you” (NCV). That is God’s word to your people.It is also God’s word to you.
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