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My cousin’s trembling voice uttered the unthinkable. “Kay, I need to let you know that Wayne took his life this morning.” My knees collapsed under me. “No! How can this be? What happened? Why? What was wrong with him?” My mouth formed tumbling questions despite my mind being frozen in disbelief and grief. Through his tears, my cousin told me his brother-in-law had struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for some time. His family thought Wayne was truly improving after he agreed to see a therapist. On the morning of his death, Wayne said goodbye to his wife, Lynn, as she left for work. But Lynn felt uneasy and came home at lunch to check on him, only to find the worst had happened. On the kitchen counter was a note he wrote apologizing for hurting his family, telling them he loved them and explaining that he just couldn’t go on. Wayne made sure the dog was safe in his kennel before he ended his life. Raised on the plains of West Texas, Wayne Oglesby was a preacher’s kid who followed in his father’s footsteps. He met my cousin, Lynn, in college and they made a fine team—vivacious, warm, football-fanatic, Jesus-loving folks who pastored small churches for decades. Wayne is not the only pastor or faith leader to experience mental illness, addiction, financial difficulty and thoughts of suicide. Sometimes the media blares the news of a pastor who dies by suicide, but often, they die quietly, unnoticed by many outside of their church and the local community. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for every completed suicide in the general population, there are 25 attempts and thousands more who think seriously about ending their lives. Pastors are not exempt from these statistics. Wayne devoted countless hours to the duties of a pastor—preaching, teaching, marrying, burying, visiting the sick, showing up in the wee hours of the night for those in need. But over time, his life slowly began to change. Sometimes pastors and congregations don’t mesh well, even when there’s nothing really wrong, and Wayne and Lynn were asked to resign from a church they were serving. For the first time in his adult life, Wayne was no longer a pastor. Still in his late 50s with many years ahead of him, he was rudderless. He had never been great with money management, and he began to overspend, taking on more debt than they could handle. He started drinking too much. He found employment as a chaplain for a funeral home, but it just wasn’t the same as being a pastor. Depression set in, and he fought hard against the way it sapped his energy and sense of well-being. He often expressed disappointment and confusion on the way his life turned out. The guilt he felt for overdrinking and for putting his family’s financial future at stake ate away at his peace of mind. Wayne didn’t really want to die. He was trapped inside himself, seeking a permanent way out. But on March 4, 2010, this kind, loving, dedicated pastor with a West Texas twang concluded that his wife and family would be better off without him. He convinced himself that they would have a better life without his emotional breakdowns, without the stress of his financial mistakes and without the burden of his pain. He was wrong. His wife, children, grandchildren, friends, neighbors, and former church members are not better off without him. The crushing, soul-shattering grief of his suicide changed them forever. You are a person before you are a minister. An ordinary man or woman who is vulnerable to the same illnesses, life circumstances, and woes as everyone else. Yet you have the added stress of living in a glass house, always under the watchful eyes of church members. Sometimes both faith leaders and the congregation forget that pastors are merely human and expect superhuman feats of endurance, wisdom, and knowledge. The unrealistic expectation that pastors and their families walk on water can only lead to deep disappointment and disillusionment, which can be lethal. Some of you, like Wayne, have faithfully ministered and you’re abiding as closely with Jesus as you know how; you’ve done everything you can think to feel better, but you don’t. It’s entirely possible that you’re experiencing depression. If so, you’re not alone. Please don’t feel even one second of shame or embarrassment. Biblical figures, early church fathers and mothers, respected theologians, and famous pastors and church leaders throughout the centuries—as well as many of the readers of this article—have lived or are living with bouts of depression. It’s not a sin to be depressed. You’re not weak or flawed, and you don’t have a character defect. You’re not a spiritual baby. Depression is an illness; it’s real, it’s common, and it’s treatable. It’s vital that you understand that untreated depression can be lethal. Make an appointment to see your primary care physician as soon as possible and talk to her about your symptoms. She may run some lab tests to check a variety of conditions that could be affecting your mood, and she may recommend you see a psychiatrist for a more thorough evaluation. She may suggest you take a medication to help manage the bleak darkness that depression can bring. No matter what, don’t be afraid to have a conversation with your doctor and don’t wait! We’re whole beings—body, mind, and soul—so attack depression on every level possible. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and relationally. Most of all, don’t suffer in silence; don’t hide your pain from your brothers and sisters in Christ. You’re a part of the body of Christ, and when one member hurts, we all hurt. As Larry Crabb insists, the church must be the safest place on earth, where we can bring our broken selves, our depressed selves, our addicted selves, our anxious selves—all of who we are and who we are not—and find not only a welcome embrace but also fellow strugglers who will journey with us no matter how long it takes. If you, or someone you know, is in distress or crisis, call 800-273-8255. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones. Visit KayWarren.com for free mental health resources.

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How to to Invest in the Next Generation

God has given every one of us a responsibility to pass on what we know to those who are younger than we are. It’s not just a responsibility for parents; it’s for all of us. But, pastor, it is especially important in ministry.One of the greatest things you will ever do is invest in people whose lives and ministries will outlast you.God has shown you things through his Word, through ministry, through pain, through mistakes, and through the people you have shepherded. He never meant for those lessons to stop with you. He wants you to pass them on to the next generation.So how do you know what you need to pass on? Look at what Jesus passed on to his followers.Jesus built knowledge, perspective, convictions, skills, and character into the leaders who followed him. And for decades at Saddleback, we tried to build our ministry around those same five building blocks. Every pastor ought to be thinking about how to help people grow in these areas.1. Help people grow in knowledge.The Bible says, “It is better—much better—to have wisdom and knowledge than gold and silver” (Proverbs 16:16 GNT).In other words, it’s better to be wise than wealthy; it’s better to have knowledge than money.How do you help younger people grow in knowledge? There are a lot of ways. You take them places with you. You expose them to new experiences. You put good books into their hands. You pass along the resources that have shaped your life.I have planned to pass my library on to my children. Why? Because what I read has shaped who I am. Passing on those books is one way of passing on what matters to me.But the most important way you help someone grow in knowledge is by modeling a love of learning yourself. Learning is contagious. If you stop learning, the people around you will eventually stop learning and growing too.For years, I told our staff, “All leaders are learners.”That is true in every area of life, but it is especially true in ministry. If you are going to build into the next generation, they need to see that you are still growing, still reading, still listening, still learning.2. Help people gain perspective.Perspective is seeing life from God’s point of view.That’s not natural for any of us. We all tend to see life from our own limited viewpoint. And that’s one reason we get into trouble.Knowledge answers the “what” questions of life. Perspective answers the “why” questions. The more you help someone see life from God’s viewpoint, the more they will understand what matters and why it matters.So how do you help younger people gain perspective?First, introduce them to the Bible. God’s perspective is found in God’s Word. If people are not learning to read Scripture, think biblically, and hear God’s truth for themselves, then they are going to let the culture shape how they see everything else.Second, introduce them to wise people. The quality of a person’s life will be shaped by the relationships that person chooses. If you want younger leaders to grow, help them get around people with wisdom, maturity, and spiritual depth.3. Help people build convictions.The people who change the world, for good or for bad, are people with deep convictions.They are not casual about what they believe. They are not drifting with the current. They are anchored.If young people do not develop convictions, then the culture will hand them its own. And the values of the culture have not changed much. They still come down to four basic things: pleasure, possessions, prestige, and power.I want to feel good. I want to have more. I want people to admire me. I want to stay in control.Those are weak foundations for a life. And they are disastrous foundations for ministry.The Message paraphrase says, “Hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute” (1 Corinthians 16:13).So how do you help people develop convictions?First, you share your convictions passionately. Convictions are caught more than they are taught. If what you believe matters deeply to you, the people around you will feel it.But even more important, convictions must be modeled. You must be what you want them to become.Jesus said, “For their sake I dedicate myself completely to you, in order that they, too, may be truly dedicated to you” (John 17:19 GNT). Jesus modeled conviction for his disciples. That is now our job with the next generation.Pastor, people need more than your teaching. They need your example.4. Help people develop skills.Skills answer the “how” of life.The next generation does not just need truth to believe. They need abilities to practice. They need to learn how to study the Bible, solve problems, work with people, manage conflict, lead a group, serve faithfully, and handle responsibility.Hard work matters, but hard work alone does not guarantee success. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says, “If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed, but skill will bring success” (NIV).Skill matters.So how do you help younger people develop skills? There are three ways.First, help them understand their SHAPE—their spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences. That is how God has wired them. If you want to change the direction of a young person’s life, help that person discover how God made them.This is the way the Lord teaches us to raise children, too. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go” (GW). The Hebrew idea there points to a person’s natural bent. In other words, pay attention to how God wired that person. If you try to force someone into a mold God did not design, you are going to frustrate everybody involved.Second, help them practice what they are good at. Skills do not develop in theory. They develop through repetition. Whether someone is learning to teach, organize, write, serve, or lead, growth comes by doing it again and again.Third, trust them with responsibility. At some point, you have to let people do the work.People grow when responsibility becomes real.I have often said that if you treat kids like babies, you are going to have to diaper them the rest of your life. The same principle applies in leadership development. If you never trust people with real responsibility, you should not be surprised when they never mature.Pastor, if you want the next generation to grow, give them room to try, room to fail, and room to learn.5. Help people grow in character.This is the pinnacle.Why? Because character is what you take into eternity.The Message paraphrase says, “Take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24).One of God’s great purposes in your life is to make you like Christ. That is what character is all about.So how do you help younger leaders grow in character? Let me mention two ways.First, protect their minds. What goes into a mind eventually comes out in a life. Proverbs 15:14 says, “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash” (NLT). If people are constantly feeding on garbage, they should not be surprised when their character weakens. As Paul taught in Philippians 4, encourage those you lead to feed on “whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper” (Philippians 4:8 CEV).Second, do not protect them from every difficulty. We grow through hard times. We build character, not when everything goes our way, but when it does not.Failure is not fatal. Everybody has to learn that.If you rescue people from every struggle, you may spare them some pain, but you will also keep them from some growth. God often uses pressure, disappointment, and hardship to deepen character in ways comfort never can.Pastor, one loving thing you can do is walk with people through difficulty without always removing the difficulty.Any time you are around someone younger than you, you have an opportunity to do these five things. Whether it is a young person in your church, one of your own children, a younger staff member, a new believer, or somebody in your community who needs an older, wiser voice, there is probably someone in your life right now who needs help growing in knowledge, gaining perspective, building convictions, developing skills, and forming character.A lot of what fills our days will not matter five years from now. Some of it will not matter five minutes from now.But when you build into a life, that lasts.It has eternal implications.

When God Won’t Let You Look Away

“If you put an end to oppression, to every gesture of contempt, and to every evil word; if you give food to the hungry and satisfy those who are in need, then the darkness around you will turn to the brightness of noon.” Isaiah 58:9–10 (GNT)What’s been weighing on you lately? Not the petty stuff. The things you can’t shake.The family that’s one bill away from collapse. The kid who keeps showing up hungry. Or the quiet prejudice that never announces itself—just leaves bruises.This is the “normal" that never should’ve become normal. That kind of holy disturbance might actually be a gift.Esther felt it too. When the threat against her people became real, she was “deeply disturbed” (Esther 4:4 GNT). It didn’t just make her anxious. It pushed her toward a costly step. She prayed. She sought counsel. She chose faithfulness over self-protection. Then she acted.A lot of pastors feel disturbed right now—and tired. You’re writing a sermon, doing a hospital run, trying to make sense of the budget, and your phone still lights up with another crisis text late at night.It’s easy to assume you have to fix everything you notice. You don’t. But you also don’t have to ignore what God has put in front of you.Isaiah 58 describes a life that refuses contempt, refuses oppression, and feeds the hungry. And it ties a promise to that kind of life.When you lean toward justice and mercy, God doesn’t leave you stumbling around in the dark. God guides you. God strengthens you. God supplies what you can’t manufacture on your own.So here’s a simple Monday question to carry into your week:What is one need God is putting within your reach—not so you can save the world, but so you can love your neighbor with integrity?Maybe it’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding. A person you need to see. A practical gift. A small act of advocacy. Or a team you gather so you’re not carrying it alone.Let the disturbance do its work. Then take the next faithful step.

Trusting God When Results Take Time

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways.” (Psalm 37:7 NIV).Pastor, you may not hear the word fret much anymore. It’s an old word that simply means worry. And if there’s one thing ministry can stir up quickly, it’s worry.You worry when things are moving too fast and you’re trying to keep up. You worry when things feel painfully slow and you’re wondering why God hasn’t acted yet. You worry when you look around and it seems like other pastors, other churches, other ministries are succeeding while you’re still waiting.Waiting is hard—especially when you’re responsible for people. But choosing to wait patiently on God instead of fretting is a powerful act of faith. It’s a declaration about who God is. When you wait without worry, you’re saying, “God, I trust your timing more than my pressure.”That’s why Scripture says, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways” (Psalm 37:7 NIV). God knew comparison would be one of the greatest sources of anxiety for his leaders.One of the fastest ways to drain your joy in ministry is comparison. When you focus on another pastor’s platform, another church’s growth, or another leader’s results, you stop paying attention to what God is doing right in front of you. And comparison always leads to fretting.But God didn’t call you to someone else’s assignment. He didn’t ask you to carry someone else’s results. He asked you to be faithful where you are.Worry won’t help you do that. Worry is worthless. It can’t change yesterday’s sermon. It can’t control next Sunday’s attendance. It can’t speed up God’s process. It only steals today’s peace.That’s why Scripture gives such practical counsel: “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers” (Philippians 4:6 MSG).Worry never changes anything—but prayer does.So as you step into this week, pastor, resist the urge to rush God or compare yourself to others. Be still. Wait patiently. Trust that God is at work even when progress feels slow.You don’t need to fret this season. You need to pray—and keep walking faithfully in the calling God has already placed on your life.

How to Cooperate as God Works in You

Pastor, you want to see fruit—in your life and in the people and ministry of your church. The Bible calls that “the fruit of the Spirit”—“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23 NIV).These nine qualities describe the character of a mature disciple and the kind of leader you’re becoming.So how does God grow this fruit in you? He uses a process. Here are two facts you need to know if you want to cooperate with that process.1) Spiritual growth is a partnership.Paul writes, “Work out your salvation . . . for it is God who works in you” (Philippians 2:12–13 NIV).That’s not a contradiction—it’s a paradox. You don’t work for your salvation. You work out what God has already put in. In a physical workout you develop muscles you already have; in a spiritual workout you cultivate the new life God has already given you.God has a part in your growth, and you have a part. He provides the power—but you need to flip the switch. Your job is to cooperate with what he’s doing.2) Spiritual fruit ripens over time.There’s no such thing as instant spiritual maturity. It takes time for fruit to ripen—and when you try to rush fruit, you ruin the flavor. The same is true in ministry. You can accelerate activity, but you can’t microwave character. God grows fruit season by season.How to Cooperate with the Spirit’s Growth ProcessImmerse yourself in Scripture. Read, study, memorize, and meditate so God’s Word reshapes your thinking.Pray honestly. Talk with God about everything you’re facing. Invite the Spirit to search you and lead you.Surrender daily. Give the Holy Spirit free rein—no compartments and no conditions.Receive your circumstances. Trust that God is using both pleasant and painful seasons to form Christlike character.Respond like Jesus. Ask, “What would Christ’s love, patience, or gentleness look like right here?” Then do it.God wants to produce the fruit of the Spirit in your life and leadership. Will you cooperate with him in this life-changing process?

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