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3 Fears That Prevent Leaders from Being Authentic and Influencing People

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You want God to use you to influence others in ministry or you probably wouldn't be reading this. And for God to really use you, you have to be willing and able to get close to people and enjoy real relationships with them. But having mentored thousands of pastors all over the world, it's pretty apparent that we're dying of relational isolation. Many of your relationship problems are not really relationship problems. They’re personal problems that spill over into relationships. Many of your relationship conflicts, including conflicts with people within the church, are really conflicts within you. They are internal battles. If you want to have great relationships and therefore be a better leader, you’ve got to start with some changes in yourself first rather than expecting everyone around you to change and fix your internal issues for you. The Bible says in Romans 12:9, “Love from the center of who you are. Don’t fake it” (MSG). Authenticity is when what you see is what you get. It’s when you don’t play a role, you don’t wear a mask. Most pastors are afraid to remove their masks. Here are three reasons why.

We Are Afraid of Being Exposed

The fear of exposure is the fear that people will find out that you’re not really who you say you are. It is the fear of exposure that keeps us from being authentic. We don’t mind our strengths being exposed. We don’t mind our capabilities being exposed. We don’t mind all the good things about us being exposed. What we don’t want people to find out about us is our weaknesses. We don’t want our insecurities exposed. We don’t want our sense of inadequacy exposed. And all of us have that sense of inadequacy. It’s part of being a human and ministry leaders are not exempt. We don’t want people to know that we don’t have it all together. The truth is nobody has it all together. So why do we pretend? Why do we fake it? Why do we wear masks? The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:11, “No one really knows what anyone else is thinking or what he is really like except that person himself.” The reason it’s easy to wear a mask is because nobody really knows what you’re like on the inside. In the entire universe there is only one person who fully understands you. And, by the way, it’s not you. It’s God. You don’t even understand yourself. If you really want to build deep, meaningful, satisfactory, intimate relationships you’re going to have to let people see your weaknesses. There is no other way. We can impress the people we lead from a distance but we can only influence people up close. And when we get up close, people see our warts and they see our mistakes and we don’t like that. So how do you overcome the fear of exposure? You decide to walk in the light. The Bible says in 1 John 1:7 “If we live in the light as God is in the light then we can share fellowship with each other.” Fellowship is soul-to-soul interaction, heart-to-heart. The key to genuine fellowship in a marriage, in a friendship, or any other relationship, is to live in the light.

We Are Afraid of Being Rejected

We don’t want to let people see what we’re really like because we fear disapproval. We fear rejection. Proverbs 29:25 says this “The fear of human opinion disables.” You spend much of your life trying to earn the acceptance of other people. The way you dress, the way you talk, the kind of car you drive, and the house you live in. The fear of human opinion disables. But trusting in God protects you from that. Why do we fear the opinions of other people, often people we don’t even know? Because we all have a deep desire to be loved. In fact, you don’t just have the desire. You need to be loved. You were created by God to be loved by God and by other people It’s one of the basic needs of your life—to be loved. So we spend our entire lives making sure we’re not unloved. And we’ll do anything to make sure we’re not unloved. It drives us to great extremes many, many times. The antidote to a fear of rejection is to trust in God's love. Don’t build your self-worth on another person who loves you conditionally. The Bible says in Daniel 10:19, “Don’t be afraid for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace, take heart and be strong.” And Psalm 56:11 says, “I trust in God so I will not be afraid. What can people do to me?”

We Are Afraid of Being Hurt Again

The truth is you will be hurt in life many, many times. This is not heaven. This is earth where people get hurt. And you’re going to be hurt over and over and over. The important issue is what you do with that hurt. If you hold on to that hurt, it’s going to strangle the love out of your life. It’ll all go away. If you hold on to your hurt it will shrink your heart, harden it, and eventually turn it to stone. You’ve got to deal with the hurt so you can get on with your life. There’s a sad process that goes like this. I’ve seen it over and over. The more you have been hurt, the more you become afraid of being hurt again. And the more you’re afraid of being hurt again the more defensive you become and protective. And the more defensive and protective you become the more inauthentic a person you become. We develop self-protective habits. We build defensive walls around our hearts that nobody can get through. And we actually push people away by all kinds of behaviors. What happens to people who give in to the hurt and hold on to it? What happens to the people who don’t know how to let the hurt go? The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 5:17, “All they get are days full of sadness and sorrow and they end up sick, defeated and angry.” The antidote to the fear of being hurt again is to let God give you a new heart. God is in the heart transplant business. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart. I will put a new spirit in you. I will remove your heart of stone.” Have you been on the defense because you have been hurt? Jesus Christ can give you a fresh start. He can move you from phony inauthenticity back into authentic relationships. There’s one thing I love more than teaching from the pulpit. It’s being out on Saddleback's patio where I get to greet and rub shoulders with the people who attend. I love talking to people one on one. After three decades of being out on that patio and talking to thousands and thousands of people I’ve learned an interesting pattern. When I say to a toddler, “Come here," the toddler comes with arms wide open. But every time you get hurt your embrace gets a little bit smaller and you’re a little bit more cautious. I have discovered that teenagers are more reserved because they've already built up some hurts. You want to be a more effective leader and shepherd, which means being close to people. Being close to people means taking the risk of being exposed, rejected, and hurt. But in the end, it's a risk well worth taking. Jesus opened himself up to people and He was rejected and crucified. But He also launched a world-changing movement and became the Way for people to know God and go to heaven. If you want to lead, you're going to get hurt, but you just might change the world in the process.

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Remember God’s Promises When Leadership Feels Heavy

One of the hardest parts of leadership is carrying a God-given assignment while feeling the weight of your own limits. You can run on adrenaline, discipline, and experience for a while. But sooner or later, the pressure of ministry shows you what you’ve really been leaning on.In Joshua 1, God points Joshua to something sturdier than willpower. He did not just hand Joshua a job to do. God gave him promises to stand on. And if Joshua was going to lead faithfully, he had to stay conscious of God’s dependability.God gave Joshua four promises that every pastor needs to hold onto when the work gets tough (as it always will).1. Remember that God promises power.God told Joshua, “No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life” (Joshua 1:5 NIV). That was not a promise that leadership would be easy. It was a promise that God’s power would be enough.Pastor, the assignment in front of you may be bigger than your natural strength. That does not mean you are in the wrong place. It may mean you are right where God wants you—so you can learn again that ministry is sustained by his power, not yours.Do not measure the size of the challenge before you remember the size of your God.2. Remember that God promises protection.God also said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5 NIV). Joshua was not being sent out alone. The presence of God would go with him.That matters because leadership can feel lonely. Criticism is lonely. Big decisions are lonely. Carrying spiritual responsibility is lonely. But if God is with you, you are not abandoned, even when you feel outnumbered.Your safety is not in having a trouble-free ministry. Your safety is in the faithfulness of God.3. Remember that God promises provision.Joshua 1:8 says that obedience leads to a life that is “prosperous and successful” (NIV). That does not mean every ministry grows in the same way. It means God provides what you need to do what he has called you to do.Pastor, God’s provision is not about platform, size, or ego. It is about having God’s hand on your life and ministry. It is being able to say, “By God’s grace, I am becoming who God wants me to be, and I have what I need in order to do what God has asked me to do.”So stay close to God’s Word. Meditate on it. Obey it. Do not pick and choose the parts you like. God’s provision often shows up as you take the next obedient step.4. Remember that God promises his presence.The promise that frames this whole idea is simple: “The LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9 NIV). That is the best promise of all.God does not just give direction. God gives himself. God does not just send leaders into the work. God walks with them in the work.If you are heading into a hard week, that truth changes everything. You may still have the same meetings, the same burdens, and the same unfinished problems. But you do not face them alone.If you’re entering a hard week, do not just admire these promises. Use them.When you feel weak, remember God’s power. When you feel exposed, remember his protection. When the future feels unclear, remember his provision. When leadership feels lonely, remember his presence.Joshua’s success did not begin with self-confidence. It began with God-confidence. And that is still where faithful leadership begins.Pastor, do not build this week on your experience, your energy, or your best instincts alone. Build it on the character of God. God is dependable. So take the next obedient step.

Slow Down and Hear the Hurt

“The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him.” Proverbs 18:13 (CSB)Pastor, one of the hardest parts of ministry is resisting the urge to fix things too quickly.When someone comes to you hurting, confused, or overwhelmed, your mind often moves fast. You want to help. You want to solve the problem. You want to bring clarity and move things forward.But Scripture says, “The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him” (Proverbs 18:13 CSB).That is an important word for shepherds.People do need wisdom. They do need truth. But often, before they are ready for your answer, they need your presence. They need to feel heard. They need to know you care. They need space to speak their pain out loud.There is healing in being heard.Your ear is one of the tools God will use most in your ministry.Jesus shows us this in John 11. When he arrived after Lazarus had died, he already knew what he was about to do. He was not confused. He was not powerless. He knew the solution before anyone else did.And still, when he saw the grief around him, he did not rush past it.The Bible says, “Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved. . . . Jesus wept” (John 11:33-35 GNT).Jesus knew resurrection was coming, but he still entered their sorrow.That is pastoral wisdom.Pastor, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to not speak first. Instead, stay present long enough to feel what someone else is carrying. Yes, there may be a time to guide, correct, or counsel. But often ministry begins by listening well.So this week, before you rush to fix, slow down.Listen fully.Enter the pain.Let people feel heard.A shepherd’s heart is often seen first in listening.

Four Marks of Holiness From Psalm 24

Pastor, God is looking for holy leaders.Hebrews 12:14 says, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” (NIV) Holiness won’t happen on autopilot. You have to fight for it in your schedule, your thoughts, your habits, and your words.Why should you pursue holiness? God says, “Be holy because I am holy” (Leviticus 11:45 GW).That’s the heart of it, pastor. When the Spirit is filling your life, you don’t just feel comforted; you feel called. You want to look like Jesus.So what does it mean to be holy?Psalm 24:3-4 says, “Who may ascend the mountain of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god” (NIV).In other words, these are the characteristics of the person who gets blessed by God. If you want the blessing of the Lord, Psalm 24 gives four simple marks of holiness.1. Clean handsClean hands mean a clear conscience.Think about the tabernacle in the Old Testament. When you walked into the court, the first thing you would do is wash at the brass washbasin. It’s a picture of cleansing. The starting point for a holy life is a cleansed life.Does that mean you will be perfect? No, because no one is perfect. It means you keep short accounts with God; you don’t let sin sit.Scripture says, “If we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away” (1 John 1:9 CEV). When you sin, you need to agree with God about it; you need to confess it.You won’t have much spiritual strength with a guilty conscience. A clean engine produces more power, and the same is true in your life.2. A pure heartPsalm 24 also says a holy person has a pure heart. This is about your motives. A pure heart reflects pure motives.Jeremiah 48:10 says, “A curse on anyone who is lax in doing the LORD’s work!” (NIV). When you’re “lax in doing the LORD’s work,” that means you’re doing it with mixed motives.God can do a lot through the pastor with pure motives, who doesn’t care who gets the credit. So in private, talk to the Lord: “God, examine my heart. Clear out the junk. Make my motives pure before you.”3. HumilityPsalm 24:4 says a holy person is someone “who does not trust in an idol” (NIV). This speaks to humility.Pride goes before destruction. God doesn’t take pride lightly. Pride kicked Satan out of heaven. Pride caused Pharaoh to lose his nation. Pride led to Herod being stricken and dying on the spot.So be aware of pride’s power in your life. Proverbs 18:12 says, “Pride leads to destruction” (CEV).4. HonestyPsalm 24:4 goes on to say that a holy person doesn’t “swear by a false god” (NIV). That’s about being honest, having the right words, and using holy language. In other words, you need to watch what you say.Psalm 39:1 says, “I’ll be careful not to sin by what I say” (CEV). One of the easiest ways we sin is by talking too much. When you talk too much, you lose spiritual weight. It is like a steam engine. If it is always letting off steam through the whistle, it builds up no power. But if it stores up the steam, then when it releases it, it can move an engine.Are you quick with angry words? Sarcastic words? Put-down words? Pray and ask God, “Where do I need to watch my words?” When you boil it all down, to be holy is to keep a clear conscience, purify your motives, walk in humility, and speak honestly with guarded words.That is what it means to be holy. And God uses holy people.

Who Is Watching Out for You?

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)Pastor, you probably know what it’s like to watch over others while quietly feeling unseen yourself. You help people stay steady in temptation, grief, conflict, and doubt. You pray for them, counsel them, and carry burdens you cannot always share.So here is a Monday-morning question worth asking: Who is watching out for you?When you go on vacation, you ask someone to keep an eye on the house. That is wisdom. But in ministry, it is easy to let the “watching out” stop with everyone else. And when a pastor becomes isolated, discouragement can deepen, temptations get louder, and blind spots grow.Scripture gives a better way: “Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own” (Philippians 2:4 GNT). God intends for the family of God to be a protective gift, not just a place we serve.Ecclesiastes calls it a braided cord. Strength comes from connection. Not performative connection. Not “I have plenty of people around me.” Real, honest, mutual care.Pastor, you were not meant to stand alone.Here’s a simple encouragement for this week: Choose one trusted person and invite a real check-in. Not a ministry update. A soul check. The Lord often protects pastors through faithful friends who lovingly “look out” when you cannot see what is happening in your own blind spots.You are better together.

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