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How God Helps Us Walk Through Grief

As we head into the holidays, I know many of you are either walking through grief yourselves or helping others walk through their grief. Anyone who has lost loved ones in 2021 will feel the loss particularly hard this season as they face the first Thanksgiving and first Christmas without them.  The “holiday blues” isn’t a myth. It’s a reality for many. But grief doesn’t need to be the end of the story. In fact, God wants to bless us in the middle of our grief.  Jesus said, “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4 NLT). That seems like an impossible statement. How can God bless your life while you’re grieving? By comforting your broken heart. In the Bible, I’ve discovered six ways God helps us with our grief:

God draws us close to himself.

When you grieve, it often feels like God is a million miles away. But not everything you feel is true. God isn’t aloof when you’re in your worst pain. He never leaves you. He is, as the Psalmist writes, “close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18 NIV). This is why we can agree with Paul as he writes in 2 Corinthians 6:10: “We have much sadness, but we are always rejoicing” (NCV). That’s the difference Jesus makes in our lives.

God grieves with us.

The only reason we grieve in the first place is because we’re made in the image of God—and he grieves. Jesus showed us this when his friend Lazarus died. He wept and grieved with Lazarus’ sister. The Bible says in John 11:33-35, “Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved. ‘Where have you buried him?’ he asked them. ‘Come and see, Lord,’ they answered. Jesus wept” (GNT). Never think that Jesus doesn’t understand your grief. We serve a suffering God. Isaiah 53:3 describes Jesus as a “man of sorrows” (NLT). Jesus wasn’t afraid of showing his emotions. We don’t need to be embarrassed by them either.

God gives us a church family for support.

God doesn’t intend for us to grieve on our own. We might be tempted to keep our pain inside and not share it with others in our church family, but God’s Word says that healing comes in community—within the church. Romans 12 says we’re one body and we belong to one another. We are commanded to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15 NIV).

God uses grief to help us grow.

Here are three ways God uses pain for our benefit:
  • God uses pain to get our attention. Proverbs 20:30 says, “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways” (GNT). We rarely change when we see the light. We change when we feel the heat.
  • God uses pain to grow our character. Paul writes, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 CSB). You can’t control when grief comes your way, but you can control your response. When you choose to be better rather than bitter, you grow.
  • God uses pain to help us prepare for eternity. These little troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing” (2 Corinthians 4:17 CEV). Your life on this planet is preparation for eternity. Everything, even the troubles, prepares you for the glory of God waiting for you in heaven.

God gives us the hope of heaven.

Your faith isn’t tested in the good times. It’s tested by how you handle the tough times. Paul reminds us of this in 1 Thessalonians 4:13: “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope” (NLT). Because Jesus rose from the dead, we can have hope. When a Christian dies, he or she goes to heaven. That means we’re not really grieving the person who dies. We grieve because we will miss the person.

God uses our pain to help others.

God never wastes a hurt. Every time we face pain, God has a purpose in it. There’s no greater use of your pain than to help others with it. “[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT). Our greatest ministries will come from our deepest hurt. No one can help a person who has lost a child like a parent who has gone through the same experience. It’s our suffering that gives us credibility. Pastor, I don’t know what you’re going through right now, but I do know this: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT). That includes both painful and joyful seasons. There is a time to grieve. And when you do, God will walk through your grief with you—and bless you through it.

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How to to Invest in the Next Generation

How to to Invest in the Next Generation

God has given every one of us a responsibility to pass on what we know to those who are younger than we are. It’s not just a responsibility for parents; it’s for all of us. But, pastor, it is especially important in ministry.One of the greatest things you will ever do is invest in people whose lives and ministries will outlast you.God has shown you things through his Word, through ministry, through pain, through mistakes, and through the people you have shepherded. He never meant for those lessons to stop with you. He wants you to pass them on to the next generation.So how do you know what you need to pass on? Look at what Jesus passed on to his followers.Jesus built knowledge, perspective, convictions, skills, and character into the leaders who followed him. And for decades at Saddleback, we tried to build our ministry around those same five building blocks. Every pastor ought to be thinking about how to help people grow in these areas.1. Help people grow in knowledge.The Bible says, “It is better—much better—to have wisdom and knowledge than gold and silver” (Proverbs 16:16 GNT).In other words, it’s better to be wise than wealthy; it’s better to have knowledge than money.How do you help younger people grow in knowledge? There are a lot of ways. You take them places with you. You expose them to new experiences. You put good books into their hands. You pass along the resources that have shaped your life.I have planned to pass my library on to my children. Why? Because what I read has shaped who I am. Passing on those books is one way of passing on what matters to me.But the most important way you help someone grow in knowledge is by modeling a love of learning yourself. Learning is contagious. If you stop learning, the people around you will eventually stop learning and growing too.For years, I told our staff, “All leaders are learners.”That is true in every area of life, but it is especially true in ministry. If you are going to build into the next generation, they need to see that you are still growing, still reading, still listening, still learning.2. Help people gain perspective.Perspective is seeing life from God’s point of view.That’s not natural for any of us. We all tend to see life from our own limited viewpoint. And that’s one reason we get into trouble.Knowledge answers the “what” questions of life. Perspective answers the “why” questions. The more you help someone see life from God’s viewpoint, the more they will understand what matters and why it matters.So how do you help younger people gain perspective?First, introduce them to the Bible. God’s perspective is found in God’s Word. If people are not learning to read Scripture, think biblically, and hear God’s truth for themselves, then they are going to let the culture shape how they see everything else.Second, introduce them to wise people. The quality of a person’s life will be shaped by the relationships that person chooses. If you want younger leaders to grow, help them get around people with wisdom, maturity, and spiritual depth.3. Help people build convictions.The people who change the world, for good or for bad, are people with deep convictions.They are not casual about what they believe. They are not drifting with the current. They are anchored.If young people do not develop convictions, then the culture will hand them its own. And the values of the culture have not changed much. They still come down to four basic things: pleasure, possessions, prestige, and power.I want to feel good. I want to have more. I want people to admire me. I want to stay in control.Those are weak foundations for a life. And they are disastrous foundations for ministry.The Message paraphrase says, “Hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute” (1 Corinthians 16:13).So how do you help people develop convictions?First, you share your convictions passionately. Convictions are caught more than they are taught. If what you believe matters deeply to you, the people around you will feel it.But even more important, convictions must be modeled. You must be what you want them to become.Jesus said, “For their sake I dedicate myself completely to you, in order that they, too, may be truly dedicated to you” (John 17:19 GNT). Jesus modeled conviction for his disciples. That is now our job with the next generation.Pastor, people need more than your teaching. They need your example.4. Help people develop skills.Skills answer the “how” of life.The next generation does not just need truth to believe. They need abilities to practice. They need to learn how to study the Bible, solve problems, work with people, manage conflict, lead a group, serve faithfully, and handle responsibility.Hard work matters, but hard work alone does not guarantee success. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says, “If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed, but skill will bring success” (NIV).Skill matters.So how do you help younger people develop skills? There are three ways.First, help them understand their SHAPE—their spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences. That is how God has wired them. If you want to change the direction of a young person’s life, help that person discover how God made them.This is the way the Lord teaches us to raise children, too. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go” (GW). The Hebrew idea there points to a person’s natural bent. In other words, pay attention to how God wired that person. If you try to force someone into a mold God did not design, you are going to frustrate everybody involved.Second, help them practice what they are good at. Skills do not develop in theory. They develop through repetition. Whether someone is learning to teach, organize, write, serve, or lead, growth comes by doing it again and again.Third, trust them with responsibility. At some point, you have to let people do the work.People grow when responsibility becomes real.I have often said that if you treat kids like babies, you are going to have to diaper them the rest of your life. The same principle applies in leadership development. If you never trust people with real responsibility, you should not be surprised when they never mature.Pastor, if you want the next generation to grow, give them room to try, room to fail, and room to learn.5. Help people grow in character.This is the pinnacle.Why? Because character is what you take into eternity.The Message paraphrase says, “Take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24).One of God’s great purposes in your life is to make you like Christ. That is what character is all about.So how do you help younger leaders grow in character? Let me mention two ways.First, protect their minds. What goes into a mind eventually comes out in a life. Proverbs 15:14 says, “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash” (NLT). If people are constantly feeding on garbage, they should not be surprised when their character weakens. As Paul taught in Philippians 4, encourage those you lead to feed on “whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper” (Philippians 4:8 CEV).Second, do not protect them from every difficulty. We grow through hard times. We build character, not when everything goes our way, but when it does not.Failure is not fatal. Everybody has to learn that.If you rescue people from every struggle, you may spare them some pain, but you will also keep them from some growth. God often uses pressure, disappointment, and hardship to deepen character in ways comfort never can.Pastor, one loving thing you can do is walk with people through difficulty without always removing the difficulty.Any time you are around someone younger than you, you have an opportunity to do these five things. Whether it is a young person in your church, one of your own children, a younger staff member, a new believer, or somebody in your community who needs an older, wiser voice, there is probably someone in your life right now who needs help growing in knowledge, gaining perspective, building convictions, developing skills, and forming character.A lot of what fills our days will not matter five years from now. Some of it will not matter five minutes from now.But when you build into a life, that lasts.It has eternal implications.
When God Won’t Let You Look Away

When God Won’t Let You Look Away

“If you put an end to oppression, to every gesture of contempt, and to every evil word; if you give food to the hungry and satisfy those who are in need, then the darkness around you will turn to the brightness of noon.” Isaiah 58:9–10 (GNT)What’s been weighing on you lately? Not the petty stuff. The things you can’t shake.The family that’s one bill away from collapse. The kid who keeps showing up hungry. Or the quiet prejudice that never announces itself—just leaves bruises.This is the “normal" that never should’ve become normal. That kind of holy disturbance might actually be a gift.Esther felt it too. When the threat against her people became real, she was “deeply disturbed” (Esther 4:4 GNT). It didn’t just make her anxious. It pushed her toward a costly step. She prayed. She sought counsel. She chose faithfulness over self-protection. Then she acted.A lot of pastors feel disturbed right now—and tired. You’re writing a sermon, doing a hospital run, trying to make sense of the budget, and your phone still lights up with another crisis text late at night.It’s easy to assume you have to fix everything you notice. You don’t. But you also don’t have to ignore what God has put in front of you.Isaiah 58 describes a life that refuses contempt, refuses oppression, and feeds the hungry. And it ties a promise to that kind of life.When you lean toward justice and mercy, God doesn’t leave you stumbling around in the dark. God guides you. God strengthens you. God supplies what you can’t manufacture on your own.So here’s a simple Monday question to carry into your week:What is one need God is putting within your reach—not so you can save the world, but so you can love your neighbor with integrity?Maybe it’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding. A person you need to see. A practical gift. A small act of advocacy. Or a team you gather so you’re not carrying it alone.Let the disturbance do its work. Then take the next faithful step.
Trusting God When Results Take Time

Trusting God When Results Take Time

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How to Cooperate as God Works in You

How to Cooperate as God Works in You

Pastor, you want to see fruit—in your life and in the people and ministry of your church. The Bible calls that “the fruit of the Spirit”—“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23 NIV).These nine qualities describe the character of a mature disciple and the kind of leader you’re becoming.So how does God grow this fruit in you? He uses a process. Here are two facts you need to know if you want to cooperate with that process.1) Spiritual growth is a partnership.Paul writes, “Work out your salvation . . . for it is God who works in you” (Philippians 2:12–13 NIV).That’s not a contradiction—it’s a paradox. You don’t work for your salvation. You work out what God has already put in. In a physical workout you develop muscles you already have; in a spiritual workout you cultivate the new life God has already given you.God has a part in your growth, and you have a part. He provides the power—but you need to flip the switch. Your job is to cooperate with what he’s doing.2) Spiritual fruit ripens over time.There’s no such thing as instant spiritual maturity. It takes time for fruit to ripen—and when you try to rush fruit, you ruin the flavor. The same is true in ministry. You can accelerate activity, but you can’t microwave character. God grows fruit season by season.How to Cooperate with the Spirit’s Growth ProcessImmerse yourself in Scripture. Read, study, memorize, and meditate so God’s Word reshapes your thinking.Pray honestly. Talk with God about everything you’re facing. Invite the Spirit to search you and lead you.Surrender daily. Give the Holy Spirit free rein—no compartments and no conditions.Receive your circumstances. Trust that God is using both pleasant and painful seasons to form Christlike character.Respond like Jesus. Ask, “What would Christ’s love, patience, or gentleness look like right here?” Then do it.God wants to produce the fruit of the Spirit in your life and leadership. Will you cooperate with him in this life-changing process?
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