Pray Space

Re: help, i think im losing my ministry and marriage

Marco Delle Monache — Sat, 23 May 2009 21:36:51 GMT

Hi, jasco,

I joined only today this group and I read your post. I'm an Italian pastor from a small Italian church, so you will understand my limited English.

As Brian and Waldo already said, the first thing is to cut any contact with that woman. Second, you have to analyze why you reached that point in your life. You wrote you watched porno stuff over the last years. From my experience, this is a VERY COMMON path of sin for us pastors: we spend a lot of time in front of our computer for our ministry, we are alone (not only physically speaking, but also emotionally), and all this drives us to find the "adrenaline" of porn... Doing so, we open a BIG door to Satan to come and devastate our lives and ministries; for some porn remains the only sin, for others it's the start of a walk that leads to adultery. It's a path that Satan uses to divert us from God's work, making pastors weak, with a perpetual sense of guilt. Only you can choose to stop all this. God is asking you to do this, He wants to heal you, so he will be able to use you again, not to scold you.

But, to do that, you have to find someone to help you on the way of recovery that will be long and hard; don't even think you alone will be able to overcome the situation all by yourself. You have to be brave to confess to a friend (maybe another pastor in your area) your sin, and to ask him to be your "accountant" for a period of time (maybe for a long one!), even for your computer, checking the sites you are surfing.

As soon as you will be recovered, you will be able to enjoy your ministry (an you life in Christ as well) again, but for the moment I think is better for you to take some sort of sabbatical from your roles.

I will be praying for you.

Marco

Re: help, i think im losing my ministry and marriage

Waldo — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:51:10 GMT

Heed Brian's advice. You are at a point where you have to take a step back from the church and focus on God's love, forgivness, and restoration. I agree that all contact with this girl should cease. Begin by no longer using facebook so the temptation will not be there.

You need counseling from another Pastor. I believe you know what God wants you to do.

Waldo

Re: help, i think im losing my ministry and marriage

Brian La Croix — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:42:49 GMT

jascko,

I just saw this today. What I'm going to say is from somebody who understands the temptations, but hasn't gone to the lengths you have.

First, it is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL THAT YOU CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH THE OLD GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!

Second, you need to get some form of counselling - with another pastor, a denominational leader, or a professional Christian counselor.

All doesn't have to be lost. But I do think it would be wise to step away from ministry until you have a better handle on all this.

The choice is ENTIRELY up to you. You can go with the waves of your emotional attachment to this woman (who I'm guessing knows you're married, and if so, is trying to wreck your marriage - some friend!), or you can man up and with the help of God, go through the valley of healing. It won't be easy, but will be painful.

One thing you have to understand: YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE! You need someone you can talk to who will encourage you and keep you accountable as you progress through this.

Praying for you, brother!

help, i think im losing my ministry and marriage

jascko — Thu, 07 May 2009 07:51:18 GMT

I'm looking for some advice and prayer.

I pastor a church of 1000 people and am a regional overseer of another 25 churches.

For the last year I have struggled with pornography on and off and have flirted with chatroom girls.

I feel so overcome sometimes and dont know what to do. I am married for 24 yrs with 3 great kids. What's wrong with me?

In december my first girlfriend from highschool contacted me via facebook. She has been single for 5 years. We hit it off and have been chatting up to 3-5 hours a day online and also by phone. Fortuantely we live a long way apart (and I mean a really long way being on different continents). However, last week I was travelling to where she is and we agreed to meet for a few hours for coffee and a chat.

During that time together she kissed me, releasing a whole flood of emotions etc. I was lost from that point. We spent the whole afternoon kissing and embracing, to the point where I was touching her very inapporpriately. Only a lack of loctaion stopped us going all the way.

We are still chatting, and I have even thought now of leaving my church and family. I am rocking between 2 positions... firstly one of confessing all and taking the consequences. Will I lose my ministry? What will I do? Is there a way back? Have I commited adultery? heeeellllllppppp!

secondly I feel i may have gone too far and should maybe resign my church. I feel then that I would leave to be with her, though the thought of the effect on my wife, kids, chruch, friends is too much to bare. i have thought of disappearing.

please pray and advise.

after 19 years of fruitfull ministry, how can it have come to this. i see no way out

help

jascko